Who am I and why am I here?

I've had this blog ready for awhile now, occasionally I log on and stare at it but every time I write something for it it either feels way too personal or impersonal. I have no idea how to start so I started googling topics or tags I could use to put myself out there with because lets face it thats easier and will look less like a 300 page biography and more like an introduction. Here's the thing though, there are so many tags so I'm just going to pick and choice the questions that interest me, and hopefully you, and maybe even sum up what I want to accomplish with this blog. But first have a little drawing of me to show y'all what I look like:

1. What am I really bad and good at?

Its too sarcastic to start off this introduction with "everything and nothing" right? Well... I'm not very good at math. Never have been and never will be, I have dyslexia so I get mixed up with numbers, letters and words really easily. For example I'll see the number 9 and instantly read it as 5, I'll see a letter begins with a W and see M and I generally can't verbalise my thoughts all too well. Luckily I have friends who can guess what I'm going on about most of the time and when they can't they laugh about it. Wait I was talking about math how did we get here? Guess it also turns out I'm bad at sticking to a topic.

What am I good at? Hm art I suppose although some days it doesn't feel like it. But over the past few years I've gotten much better and now I'm happy with my drawings... most of the time. I'm good at creating lists of ideas and visualising them, I'm a creative thinker when it comes to solving problems and it's always been a good thing when I'm thrown a project.

2. A description of my self esteem

Better than it was a few months ago but generally no great. I have pretty severe anxiety and depression, I have since I was 15 years old and during my teenage years it took a massive toll on how I view myself. For years I would criticise myself harshly and my inner dialogue was cruel and hurtful. I'd hurt myself, physically and mentally, for making tiny mistakes and constantly wonder why anyone would ever want to talk to me.

Recently though it's gotten a little better, I'm being treated for my mental health and I feel more confident in who I am as a person. I'm not perfect by any means, I can be brash, hurtful and not understand when someones angry at me but I'm human. I'm not meant to be perfect.

3. Who are my best friends?

I'm lucky enough now to have seven amazing friends who mean the absolute world to me. I won't go detail like names but I've known most of them through college, the best thing I ever did was go to this college to be honest, or because they were friends with the person I was befriending.

They've supported me, laughed with me, scolded me and fought with me but in the end they make me a better person and I'll forever be grateful for them being in my life.

4. The one place I want to be right now

Sitting on a dock watching the sun gleam onto Lake Garda in Italy, kicking my feet in the water and just enjoying the view. I luckily had that not too long ago and to be honest it was my favourite memory of the trip.

Or sitting in my friend's living room watching everyone laugh and talk loudly, seeing all the different conversations going on and the wild hand gestures that start to happen. I generally just love being around them, it's always a riot.

5.  Why am I doing this? What do I want to accomplish with this blog?

I want to talk about things that matter to me, I want to finally be open with my opinions and stand up my for my ideas. It's a relatively new thing for me to be open about how I'm feeling and to be honest writing about my feelings makes it a lot easier to deal with them. But I also want to show and share them with others.

I want to talk about mental health and through that maybe make some people feel less alone in their struggles. I want to talk about my experiences with being a woman, being queer and being a nerd in a male dominated world and let people see little glimpses into my life. I want to talk about my mistakes and struggles and let people see its okay to be imperfect. I generally just want to share, not too much don't worry I won't use this blog to cry out but at one point in my life I felt so dreadfully alone and not understood and I never want anyone else to feel like that if they have similar struggles like me so... maybe I can help, even if it's just a little bit.

Well then that's done! It's a start at least. I can actually make more blog posts now without worrying about how I'll introduce my blog! I hope this was at least a tad interesting to read, I promise to be back soon.  If you liked these questions feel free to answer them yourself! I'd love to hear about other people as well!

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